This weekend I took some “guy time” with my son, Lee.
We went to Mammoth Cave, someplace I visited yearly in my youth.
While Lee and I had a great time, and there’s lots of little stories that will come out of this trip, the subject of this post is about finding my personal path … about silence.
During one part of the cave tour, the guide turns out the lights in the cave and everyone is silent.
And, during that five seconds, something happened.
I could see nothing, for the first time … in ever? (Even with your eyes closed, their is usually ambient enough light to see splotches through your eyelids.)
The silence itself was loud, people breathing, shuffling, hearts beating, and many sounds I could not immediately recognize … but it was still quieter than I can ever remember.
At the time, I remembered the experience, though it was cool, and thought little of it.
But that night, I had changed.
After getting home about 10:00pm with Lee, I sat in my Wife’s office and we discussed the day (and the tribulations of the last week, which had been seriously stressful).
We were talking about new opportunities, and up from … my center … just came a clarity of mind that is impossible to describe in words.
I knew I had been chasing a 20+ year old dream, that had not changed as I had changed.
And how that has effected my life in many ways, very few of them positive.
I realized my priorities in life had changed, but I had not recognized that change, so continue to act out of outdated paradigms.
In that five seconds of darkness and silence, I became more clear than I have been in a very long time.
What is next?
The insights received are still coming, and will continue to do so. The centeredness I feel now will ebb and flow, and I will begin to re-adjust my actions to my being.
It won’t be perfect.
And I will continue to look for that experience, to find the place, to re-center.
A question for you: where on earth can I go to meditate, to pray, to be alone, without light or sound?
Peace,
Nick
