Today, I died.
It was not a literal death, though my breath stopped.
It was a figurative, ritualistic death.
As I looked into the eyes of Death, I saw myself. The pain I have caused others, the joy I have brought. The work I did, and yes … the work I have yet to do.
I saw my forefathers. The strong, wounded Men who came before me. Forgotten as their memories were systematically erased after death. I saw Men shaped by War, the pain of the fathers before them.
I saw my foremothers, wounded Women who gave – enduring, resilient … and so I would have a chance at life.
I saw pain, and hope and healing.
I saw a society that has evolved for the purpose of supporting more and more people, though not in happiness or fulfillment – but one with the potential to change, to respect and hold each individual to their greatest potential.
I saw my God.
As he came for me, I embraced death. Knowing that I as I have lived … I would die.
But not, in reality, today.
And as I opened my eyes, allowing breath, I glimpsed the future. Many paths I could choose to take – some leading to fulfillment and joy, others to stagnation and misery … but all, ultimately to nothingness.
And I saw the End.
The end of our species, the end of this earth, the end of the Universe itself.
The end of myself.
At that moment, I realized that none of it really matters.
And, yet, it all matters.
Each day, each breath, with intention and leading a life full of miracles.
Each kind word or harsh gesture we make, each frustration. Each patient acceptance.
And most of all, I saw that I can choose.
I can choose a path of hardness or one of ease. One of fulfilment or one of constant struggle.
I . Can . Choose .
And so I do.
I choose to to be a little more fulfilled each day.
I choose to do the deep work – work that is sometimes painful and sometimes ecstatic, yet always in a place previously unseen.
I choose to share what I’ve learned, my mistakes and experiences, the life I live so that maybe … just maybe … others will choose to live a life of alignment, with intention as well.
To make each day just a little bit better than yesterday.
Because it matters.
And maybe, the next time Death comes for me I will be ready.
But not today.
For today, I live.