today I died

Today, I died.

It was not a literal death, though my breath stopped.

It was a figurative, ritualistic death.

As I looked into the eyes of Death, I saw myself.  The pain I have caused others, the joy I have brought.  The work I did, and yes … the work I have yet to do.

I saw my forefathers. The strong, wounded Men who came before me. Forgotten as their memories were systematically erased after death.  I saw Men shaped by War, the pain of the fathers before them.

I saw my foremothers, wounded Women who gave – enduring, resilient … and so I would have a chance at life.

I saw pain, and hope and healing.

I saw a society that has evolved for the purpose of supporting more and more people, though not in happiness or fulfillment – but one with the potential to change, to respect and hold each individual to their greatest potential.

I saw my God.

As he came for me, I embraced death. Knowing that I as I have lived … I would die.

But not, in reality, today.

And as I opened my eyes, allowing breath, I glimpsed the future. Many paths I could choose to take – some leading to fulfillment and joy, others to stagnation and misery … but all, ultimately to nothingness.

And I saw the End.

The end of our species, the end of this earth, the end of the Universe itself.

The end of myself.

At that moment, I realized that none of it really matters.

And, yet, it all matters.

Each day, each breath, with intention and leading a life full of miracles.

Each kind word or harsh gesture we make, each frustration. Each patient acceptance.

It matters.

And most of all, I saw that I can choose.

I can choose a path of hardness or one of ease. One of fulfilment or one of constant struggle.

I . Can . Choose .

And so I do.

I choose to to be a little more fulfilled each day.

I choose to do the deep work – work that is sometimes painful and sometimes ecstatic, yet always in a place previously unseen.

I choose to share what I’ve learned, my mistakes and experiences, the life I live so that maybe … just maybe … others will choose to live a life of alignment, with intention as well.

To make each day just a little bit better than yesterday.

Because it matters.

And maybe, the next time Death comes for me I will be ready.

But not today.

For today, I live.